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  1. UnknownNovember 2, 2018 at 5:56 PM

    After the quick reading of your paper, I think you did a good job. The flow went very well, and there isn't many logic issues in your paper. The only thing I want to mention is that you used too much "I" and "my" in this paper, you need to replace them into more object sentences.
    Here are few more suggestions I want to make after my second reading.
    First, you had some citation problems in your formatting. Both in-text citation and the references were not accurate. My advice is that you can find Hem's help, or find the direction online to fix the problems.
    Second, your introduction seemed have plenty citations, but you still need one more "gap" source to establish another perspective on the topic you have chosen. For the introduction paragraphs, I felt the points you made there were repetitive, please take some time to clear your idea and reorganize your intro paragraph.
    Overall, you did a good job and I think it's a good draft. Please working on the revision and hope you can have a much better final draft!

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