https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/2991759.pdf Academic Citations APA citation: William, D.B., Evan, J.R., Richard, C.F., Russell, L.H. (1998). Measuring citizen and Government Ideology in the American States. American Journal of Political Science , 42(1), 327-48. Retrieved from https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/2991759.pdf https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/2111248.pdf?refreqid=excelsior%3A8ff59295331f2ce54a54c7c40ab76f50 Gary, K. (1988). Statistical Models for Political Science Event Counts: Bias in Conventional Procedures and Evidence for the Exponential Poisson Regression Model.: American Journal of Political Science , Vol. 32, No. 3(Aug., 1988), pp. 838-863. https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/2111248.pdf?refreqid=excelsior%3A8ff59295331f2ce54a54c7c40ab76f50 Gary, K. (1896). How Not to Lie with Statistics: Avoiding Common Mistakes in Quantitative Political Science.: American Journal of Political Science , Vol. 30, No. 3 (Aug., 1986), pp. 666-687. https://www.jstor.o...
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1. What is your overall impression?
ReplyDelete2. What are the 3-5 most important areas for improvement? You can take assignment rubrics (analysis and synthesis, organization, use of sources, and completeness and mechanics) as a basis for your suggestions. Your suggestions have to be concrete and specific. That means, you cannot simply make general comments like “you can improve the organization of your essay” or “you need to improve transition.” You need to show where and provide some concrete ways for improvement.
1. My overall impression of this essay was that it was easy to understand what you were trying to say in every section. I liked the fact that you broke it up into a bunch of different sections because it made it better to read. There were a few times when I was confused because you put citations both at the beginning and end of sentences, and I don't know if that is the correct way to do it but if it is then just leave it. You did an effective job of getting all of your points across and it was organized in a good way.
I think that one thing you could maybe do if you wanted would be to put the language and the audience paragraphs together because they go together as one. How you use language has to do with the intended audience you write to. So you could tie those paragraphs together and make it just one big paragraph about the use of language depending on who you are writing to.
2. One of the thing I noticed was that for personal communication, I could be wrong, but I think you have to do it like this.. (A. James, personal communication, September 5, 2018). Just because you could have multiple sources of personal communication and it's easier to understand who exactly said that. I marked this in your paper but there were a few instances when you use the wrong word and I personally know what you're trying to say but it sounds off because the word you say in your paper isn't actually what you're meaning to say. For example, you say "tends to be interpreted to a direct audience." But interpreted means understand so you want to say something like "tends to be towards a direct (or specific) audience." I also added a few commas and other marks that you needed just to make your grammar better. I thought that your credibility paragraph was really good and so I didn't mark anything that needed to be changed. As for your conclusion, I didn't like how you repeated the same thing that you just talked about because I was looking for something different. I understand what you were doing but try to change it up and not use the same words. Just make the conclusion different by summarizing the entire thing. However, I really liked your last sentence because it was completely different.
Other than the markings I made, I thought this paper was efficient in what you were trying to say and I thought it was worded good too. It was easy to understand all the points you were trying to make! Good job!
Parker,
ReplyDeleteOverall, I thought your paper was very good. All of you ideas were great and you seem to really know what you are talking about. From what I understand, it seems that you really understand and have learned about the writing in your desired profession. However, there is always room for improvement!
Your APA formatting was mostly good however there were some spots that you needed to fix. For example, the titles of your articles/journals should be italicized. You also need to fix the indentation in the references part at the end.
Another thing I noticed that you can improve is your contraction use. It does not sound sophisticated when you replace "can not" with "can't". Try to fix those and the paper as a whole will sound much more sophisticated
Finally, I think that you need to improve on your maintaining tone. It feels that the tone of the essay is constantly shifting. It needs to be the same the whole time in order for the reader to fully grasp your perspective. Try to choose a tone and stick with it throughout.
The paper was very good and there is not much else to say! Good job Parker.
Gabe Trokel